“We need to cut the crap!”
“I swear the phoniness will drive me out of this company.”
“Hierarchy, they want me to trust hierarchy?”
And my favorite…“We have a lot of Minnesota nice going on here.”
I love how Patrick Lencioni describes these kinds of cultures as “Artificial Harmony”. Companies hire me to expose it, bring it out, look at it, and wake leaders /associates up to a new way of being. A way of “being” that is modeled from Vulnerability based trust. If you want to read 3 books that nail it beautifully read Lencioni’s 5 Dysfunctions of a Team, Leadership and Self Deception by Arbinger, and Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly.
Changing perspective’s inside of an organization is a process.
First I start by listening to what is present. Hearing the “stories” first hand.
In my coaching profession I have been able to get my clients the results they seek because of my ability to not get “hooked” by their story. My client’s “story” is important. And how they develop it is equally important.
I love how it is broken out from the book Crucial Conversations
Our Stories Create Our Emotions; We Create Our Stories (From book Crucial Conversations)
1. First, you see, hear, or otherwise experience something.
You’re working on a routine report at work and your boss checks up on you three times in one hour, offering suggestions.
2. Second, you tell a story about the facts.
You decide that your boss is questioning your capabilities. She keeps checking up on you because she doesn’t believe you can complete the task on your own. She thinks you are incompetent.
3. Third, you generate a feeling.
You feel hurt and defensive at having your abilities called into question. This lead to anger toward your boss—she obviously hasn’t paid any attention to the other reports you’ve turned out to spec n the past.
4. Fourth, you act.
You hold a grudge and don’t listen or respond to your boss’s suggestions.
The Path to Action
Stories—The Master Key
*We guess. The key to how we feel lies in the stories we tell. These stories consist of our guess as to why people do what they do. We try to figure out motive. We pass judgment. This, in turn, leads to a feeling. Finally we act.
*We do so quickly. We often travel this path to storytelling so quickly that we don’t even know we’re doing it. Instead, we genuinely believe that others make us mad. But they don’t. Because we create our own feelings by telling stories.
*We’re our own worst enemy. As we become emotional, our story seems to be “What is the worst and most hurtful way I can take this?” This negative spin escalates our emotions and causes us to do the worst when it matters the most.
*But there’s hope. If we can find a way to tell a different story, we can feel differently and act differently.